Non-Music Post - Tyler Clementi, a tragedy

R.I.P. Tyler Clementi

Let me apologize first and foremost that this article has nothing to do with heavy metal music in the DC area. It doesn't even have anything to do with music period. But with the recent news of a Rutger's student committing suicide possibly because of an unauthorized webcast of his gay "sexual encounter", I felt compelled to write something about it.

I know this entry is probably one of a gazillion blogs regarding this topic, but I need to vent. I need to put these thoughts down, no matter how incoherent/coherent or rational/irrational they may sound.

First of all, let me start by saying this is truly a tragic event. Something that really should have never happened. I hope the Clementi family find the strength and courage to cope this travesty.



For those who don't know the story, here's a quick synopsis (skip it if you already know it). Blurb courtesy of CNN:
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New York (CNN) -- On the evening of September 19, Rutgers University student Dharun Ravi is believed to have sent a message by Twitter about his roommate, Tyler Clementi.

"Roommate asked for the room till midnight. I went into molly's room and turned on my webcam. I saw him making out with a dude. Yay."

Ravi, 18, of Plainsboro, New Jersey, surreptitiously placed the camera in their dorm room and broadcast video of Clementi's sexual encounter on the internet, the Middlesex County prosecutor's office said. Ravi tried to use the webcam again on two days later, on September 21.

"Anyone with iChat, I dare you to video chat me between the hours of 9:30 and 12. Yes it's happening again," Ravi is believed to have tweeted.

The next day, Clementi was dead.

Authorities said the 18-year-old freshman committed suicide by jumping off the George Washington Bridge, which spans the Hudson River between New Jersey and New York. A law enforcement source told CNN that Clementi's wallet and cell phone were found on the bridge.

The New York City Medical Examiner's office said Thursday that a body recovered a day earlier from the Hudson River is Clementi's.

....

Paul Callan, a professor of media law at Seton Hall University, said Ravi and Wei could face an additional charge if it turns out that the broadcast of Clementi's encounter was fueled by hatred of gay people.

Details about Clementi's sexual orientation are unclear. Rutgers University student Danielle Birnbohm, who lived next door to Clementi's and Ravi's room in the dorm told CNN affiliate WPIX that Clementi was gay. "It was obvious," she said.

Ravi apparently tweeted a message on August 22, nine days before classes began at Rutgers. "Found out my roommate is gay?" the tweet, believed to be posted by Ravi, said, according to Topsy, a search engine that allows users to access tweets removed from Twitter.

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So let me get this straight.... This Ravi guy secretly videotaped his gay roommate's (Clementi) sexual encounter. Then days later, Clementi commits suicide. My initial thoughts on this is pure anger to the fact that his privacy was totally invaded. I cursed and fumed over Ravi (and Wei, the other alleged co-conspirator) and how irresponsible they were for doing this. And how much they didnt think of the consequences of their actions. And to subjectify the fact that Clementi was gay and somehow lured wanna-be watchers of this webcast to this detail.

Then, I took a breather and decided to let it rest a bit. Usually, irrational thoughts (that led to anger) seep in your mind when you first hear of a shocking story as this. When all emotions finally subsided, I gave it some more thought. I thought about what Ravi and Wei were thinking when they did what they did. They're kids. They're freshmen in college. Pressure to "belong" or be "accepted" is huge during that time of a person's life. So, perhaps, in a desperate-yet-stupid-and-negligent attempt to be "cool", they did this. I'm not in any way condoning their actions. I just wanted to understand their point of view. These two kids, from what I hear from various reports, were "good kids" and are not knows as troublemakers. They're your typical college student. Typical Freshmen.

But let look at what perhaps what went on inside Clementi's mind. He too was a freshman. Same pressure to "belong" or be "accepted". But with a huge magnifier. He was gay. So those same pressure to be accepted now is multiplied ten-fold. He was probably thinking "what would people say about me if they know I was gay." "I just want to blend in, not to be objectified for what I am." Then the webcast happened. Now, I do not know how I would react to this. But I do know that there are two possible ways of dealing with "pain" or "hurt": anger or high anxiety. Anger is easily transformed into confrontation or retaliation. High Anxiety, on the other hand, has many faces and can rear its ugly head least expected. Crying, venting out, taking something like alcohol or drugs to numb the pain, are all examples of ways of dealing with this anxiety. What we do not exactly know is how Clementi dealt with this anxiety when we was faced with the exposure of his sexual encounter on the web. Is it enough to commit suicide?

Then the question becomes: do you prosecute Ravi and Wei based on this premise? How can we know for sure that Clementi's jumping off the bridge is a direct correlation to the webcast of his sexual encounter. For all we know, Clementi could be mentally unstable and his suicide could be caused by other reasons.

My point is this: we're quick to judge. We were quick to judge the gay community on how 'intriguing their lifestyles are". We're quick to judge Ravi and Wei on how they were guilty. We're quick to judge that all black people love rap music and are somehow criminals (or have criminal thoughts). We're quick to judge that all white people are racist. We're quick to judge that Asians eat dogs and cats. Its these same judgment that is the root cause of all "acceptance" or wanting to "belong"... the same reason these kids wanted to be in the first place.

So WE are the reason they are and they did what they did. It's our prejudice. It's our bias. It's our judgment. We all helped create this pressure.

Its tough enough to be a kid, with all the grades and wanting to succeed in life. Couple that with these unnecessary pressure to be "accepted", you're looking at a very tough time for our youth in this day and age!...and we wonder why Columbine happened.

My plea is simply this: Can we all PLEASE understand that being gay is not a choice!! Let me repeat that.... BEING GAY IS NOT A CHOICE! Same way a person is black or a person has "slanted eyes." We are all born this way... and that's the beauty of this world. We come in various shapes, sizes, color, forms, beliefs, and preferences. It's like staring at a beautiful garden full of different colorful flowers. Wouldn't that be more appealing than a garden of just roses?

Anyway, once we accept this fundamental fact...that being gay (in the same rational as "being black") is NOT A CHOICE!... maybe our quest to be "accepted" will relieve some of this unnecessary pressure. This IS America, right? The United States of America, a country founded based on its belief that for its people, there should be "liberty and justice for all."

Let me repeat that:
... "liberty and justice for all"...for all...for ALL!

.. ALL!


DCVince