Protect your child against sexual abuse

The world is not a safe place for children anymore. There is danger in the form of strangers and even amongst the people you know and respect. Current episodes involving teachers molesting students have only brought this ghastly reality to the fore. We pay a serious look at what has now become of the world, while you as parents, should do your ultimate best to understand and care for your child.
 
Suppose your 14 year old daughter told you that she was led to an empty classroom by a male teacher who 'accidentally' brushed his hand against her breast while he was opening her notebook. Would you take this seriously? Or would you tell her that she must be imagining things? The latter response is most common among parents in India, who typically dismiss their children's complaints about abusive behaviour, especially if this is attributed to trusted people in their school or home environment.

According to a study conducted by the women and child welfare (WCD) ministry in 2007, more than half the children in the country have been victims of abuse. A shocking 53 percent of an estimated 420 million children below 18 years have undergone some form of sexual victimisation.

"Sexual abuse is a huge stigma in India and most parents don't want to acknowledge it or take action," Dr Deepali Batra, senior child psychologist, Batra Hospital, says. The fear that they will not be believed and shame are the reasons that sexually exploited children fail to disclose abuse.

Sexual abusers may also actively cultivate these fears in their victims' minds to make disclosure less likely. "Children lack the vocabulary to tell their parents about the abuse. They try to share it in various ways, but if parents react with disbelief, children stop communicating," Nancy Veronica, programme manager, Tulir, a centre for the prevention and healing of child sexual abuse, says.

So if your child does tell you that she is being abused, don't make disclosure more difficult for her by assuming her story is untrue. "Parents should not blame their child in such a situation and try to be protective instead by expressing confidence in their child's account," Dr Batra says. Your child may even tell you that she was abused months or even years after the episode. This doesn't mean she is concocting the story: the fact is that it may take a victim some time - even some years - to come forward with a disclosure of abuse.

Children who are being sexually abused manifest several emotional and behavioural difficulties, and parents should be on the alert for these. Disturbances in sleep and eating patterns, mood changes, unusual anxiety, and a reluctance to go to school are a few. Of course, the conclusion that these are linked to sexual abuse must be drawn only after collecting more information since these signs are ambiguous and other stressors in life can produce similar symptoms.

Finally, parents must provide their children with the information needed to protect themselves against abuse. "Children should be made familiar and comfortable with their private parts by the age of two," says Veronica. "Along with the personal hygiene, age- appropriate information about their genitals should be provided by parents to help kids overcome shyness that prevents many from reporting abuse." Every schoolgoing child should be prepared to recognise and tackle unwanted sexual advances. "Children should be taught to say 'No' when they feel confused about somebody's touch or when somebody tries to see or touch their private parts," she emphasises.

Symptoms that will tell you something is wrong:

Unusual irritation or aggression- If a child shows unnecessarily brash behaviour and is angry very easily, then something is tugging at her internally. Make an effort to find out and be subtle as you need to be a friend, not an opponent while trying to discover the problem.

Reduced appetite-If your child suddenly starts to eat less, you should try and figure out what the matter is. It is not necessarily abuse as less appetite is an ambiguous symptom. Instead, probe to find more information.

Stomach ache- This can be for a variety of factors. However, if it has something to do with abuse, you will soon know as the pain is of a little different kind and your child will be unwilling to share much.

Pain, itching or bleeding during urination- This is a sign that you have to demand to see once the first few symptoms have made you alarmed enough. Complaining of pain while urinating or having a bowel movement, or exhibiting symptoms of genital infections such as offensive odors are a sure way to know your child has been hurt physically and psychologically.

Reluctance to go to school- Once a child faces abuse, it prefers to withdraw completely. Suddenly school and other activities are something they want to be alienated from on their own. They develop an unusual fear of a certain place or location.

Retreat into a fantasy world- Cooking up stories and fictional characters are not always comical. Sometimes, that is an escape the child opts for after having faced something brutal. Talk to your child and probe into the fiction world deeply to know about the reality.

Sexually promiscuous behaviour- Masturbating excessively is a sign that can totally give away the situation. Inappropriate sexual play with self, peers or toys are more signs you can look out for.

Nightmares and bedwetting- Children often regress to behaviors too young for the stage of development they have already achieved.

It is a truth that has shocked the world. Principals and teachers, the very people who carve a path in a child's life are the ones who are today twisting the future into a morbid, psychologically doomed reality for the child. While some are intent upon bringing shame to this profession, there are others who are still standing strong and doing the right thing at times like these: condemning the evil.

The act of rape is heinous, whether the man behind it is a school principal or not. Still, the fact that the rapist is a school principal makes it worse as he is supposed to be looking after his students. The question of the law doesn't arise in this case as certain things are just not done. A rape is one of those acts that is not acceptable, and can't be brushed under the carpet. It is not like corporal punishment, which used to be the 'norm' at one point of time but is not so now.

Rape was never the norm. It is an act that no person can condone, or defend on the ground that the victim had led the perpetrator on. A school can't expect to get away from the condemnation that is due by blaming the victim and accusing her of having 'loose morals'. And let's not romanticise the issue by expressing shock, exclaiming, "Oh my God! The rapist is a principal!" Would it have been okay if the rapist weren't a principal? No, it wouldn't.

This is a black and white issue - a rape is a rape and it can never be accepted by any society. By expressing shock over the rapist's professional identity, we are taking the focus away from the horrendous act. We should also not draw any inferences on what this act, specifically in the case of a principal raping a student, reflects on our society. A rapist, no matter who he is, must not be allowed to get away.

The media has a big role to play in building public opinion against such heinous crimes. Take the example of honour killings. What are honour killings? They are nothing but planned, cold- blooded murders. Why can't the media just call them murders? Does it have the strength of conviction to do so? It's the romanticisation of such acts under misleading labels that makes my blood boil. The media must expose rape for what it is, and honour killings for what they are.

Arun Kapur is the director of Vasant Valley School


The alleged rape of a student by her school principal in Hyderabad is a shocking revelation, but it isn't a reflection of the education system at large, feel schools in Delhi.

Generating awareness is a school's best bet against the menace of sexual abuse on campus. Institutions in the Capital are, evidently, pulling out all stops to ensure this happens via counselling and workshops. The ubiquitous (also mandatory) presence of counsellors in schools is a strong testimony to that.

"Schools today are better prepared to prevent such a situation on campus as our communication channels have never been more open. Counsellors constantly try to instil awareness ( about good and bad touch) in the children. They also establish a comfortable rapport with the students through counselling sessions," Abha Sahgal, principal of Sanskriti School at Chanakyapuri, said.

"But parents need to advise their children to develop an attitude to stand up for their dignity and this can be reinforced by the school," Sehgal added.

Awareness initiatives, however, are not just directed at students but target teachers, too. "In Tagore International School, teachers, too, are trained to identify a child showing behavioural changes which could then be brought to the notice of the counsellor," Arti Raghuvanshi, a clinical psychologist and a consultant with Tagore International School at Vasant Vihar, said.

The assurance of confidentiality is the glue that holds the preparedness mechanism together, counsellors say. "We involve only the principal if and only if the case is big. Not even the class teacher is told and hence this assurance goes a long way in instilling confidence in the child," Raghuvanshi said.

"Revelation of identity is a strong deterrent for children who could have been abused sexually. A complaint box on the campus, which allows one to lodge complaints anonymously, is helpful," Shubha Chandrashekhar, counsellor with DPS Rohini said.