Jump over these sex hurdles

Two common sex dampeners solved.

Smelly feet, smelly breath, smelly... well, anything smelly-yours or your partner's-can be a dampener to enjoying sex. It's a common complaint and one that can be quite easily overcome. Don't get me wrong here. All bodies emit a natural odour, which when fresh is not offensive at all. It is only when it gets stale that it gets smelly and can be off-putting. 

Your own freshness you can regulate, but when it comes to your partner, it can be quite a delicate topic to broach and requires some tact. One way could be to remark on how a freshly washed body smells so wonderfully sexy, or to bestow a few kisses just after your partner has had a wash, or to get some new products-foot gel, toothpaste, whatever-and encourage your partner to use them.

Another common dampener is lack of privacy, especially if living with parents or kids. Finding a way around it requires commitment from both partners. Make time for just the two of you to reconnect. It could be a walk, or a cup of coffee, or a drive. This is not about making out in the car. It's about making space and time to focus only on each other. The sex will follow. 

And actually, the very act itself does not take much time. What happens is that the desire is lost because you are both so distracted by the others around you that you are unable to connect with each other, and sometimes even with your own self. Not in the mood? Try cuddling-it's a non-demanding way to connect and show love and it's good for your blood pressure too!

The seven best sex tricks

Because it'd been a while since we'd heard about any wild, worthy sex moves, we came up with a delicious idea: Have seven pleasure experts each invent an amazing, advanced-lovers-only trick. 

Check out which move we crowned as the winner.

Having a ball
How to do it: Lie back on a large exercise ball (or beach ball), your legs spread, feet flat on the ground, head arched upward, and fingers reaching towards the floor for support. Have your guy kneel between your legs and enter you. He can continue kneeling while holding your hips as he thrusts or he can stretch his body over yours and support himself with his hands on the floor in a push-up position. Grab his butt and draw him into you or keep your hands on the floor for balance as he moves in and out. 

Why he'll love it: The exercise ball will roll out from under you if he thrusts too hard or too fast, so your workout partner has to restrain his motions-no wild bucking-which will keep his desire on a slow, superhot boil. Also, maintaining your balance will force you to tilt your pelvis upward slightly, so he'll experience intensely deep penetration.


How to do it: Once your man becomes aroused, don't move on to intercourse. Your goal is to reach peak using his unit as your personal sex toy. A few ways to do this: Get in the woman-on-top position, but instead of letting him enter you, slide up and down along his shaft. Or lie side by side, take his penis in your hand, and stimulate your clitoris with the head. Then, when you're on the brink of a big O, let him know...Your motions will have revved him up so much, he'll be able to let go at the same time you do.

Why he'll love it: Guys dream of being used as a sex object, and now that fantasy will come true. The constant stimulation of your hottest body zone touching his, plus the sight of you teasing and pleasing yourself, will set him up for a turbocharged orgasm in tandem with yours. Guys are visual creatures, and this position will maximise his pleasure in the sack. Try it and you'll thank us later.


How to do it: Greet your man while wearing a pair of fishnet stockings, then seductively strip them off and slip the stockings over one hand. After rubbing a few drops of lubricant onto his penis, make a loose fist with the netted hand and glide it against the crown, the ridge where the shaft of his member meets the head. As he gets worked up, add more lubricant (otherwise the fishnets could chafe him). Bring him to climax with quick back-and-forth motions around his crown while pumping your bare fist up and down his shaft.

Why he'll love it: While your bare hand will feel smooth against his shaft, the ribbed fishnets will create a slightly rougher sensation on his ultrasensitive crown, something he's probably never experienced before. Plus, the idea of having such a naughty, bad-girl garment against his privates will push him over the edge. Every time he looks down and sees what you're doing, he'll remember that they're the same sexy fishnets that covered your legs just a few minutes ago.


How to do it: Ask your guy to lie back comfortably on the bed, then take a can of whipped cream and spray him from his navel to his upper thighs (you may want to lay a towel underneath him first). Begin slowly licking the cream off the body areas above and below his package. After each lick, make sure you alternate between kissing his mouth with your lips covered in whipped cream and bringing your mouth back below his belt. Slowly lick all of it off his body...except the cream directly covering his penis and testicles. Not until he's aching should you finally indulge him with the mouth action he's probably dying to get by now.

Why he'll love it: Your hot tongue licking the cool whipped cream around his package will create intense teasing and titillating sensations yet leave him longing for more. Each time you switch to kissing his lips, he'll be desperate to feel your tongue on his southern hemisphere again. Also, sharing a kiss when he's so aroused creates a sense of intimacy that pumps his libido even higher. Who knew whipped cream could be the perfect icing for hot sex as well?


How to do it: Get in the doggie-style position-you on your knees and your guy kneeling behind you. He should then wrap a wide towel under your hips, holding both ends in his hands so he can lift your hips and butt higher and control both of your motions as he thrusts in and out. Make sure that while this all sounds great you must have all your props ready so you don't kill the mood by fishing around for things midway.

Why he'll love it: By using this makeshift sex sling, he has extra leverage to control the angle and the depth of his pen-etration as well as the pace of his thrusting…unleashing his primal urge to be in charge of the action. It will give him the deepest penetration possible, top-to-bottom penis stimulation, and the excitement of sexual conquest.

Enjoy sex at every age

A sparkling sex life is something we'd all like to have, regardless of age. When sex is less than satisfying, it's easy to point the finger at work, money, family and a million other factors that combine to make it less important and, thus, less fulfilling. But as today's leading physicians and sex researchers are discovering, the link between female libido and the constantly fluctuating hormones produced by the ovaries is profound. Find out how controlling your body's unique balance can make a big difference to your sex life.

In your 20s

The advantages

A dazzling time to do it: "At this age, oestrogen, progesterone and testosterone are at their highest levels," says Laura Berman, PhD, the author of Loving Sex: The Book of Joy and Passion. This biological bounce is an opportunity for great loving-and babies too. Because hormones surge just before ovulation, women are more likely to fantasise about and initiate sex during this two to four day window, according to studies.

The challenges

A need for more roar-gasms: According to the 2010 National Survey of Sexual Health and Behaviour, 20-somethings are less orgasmic than older women. "Despite the hormone swirl, women in their 20s may not yet have the confidence to ask for what they want in bed, so they're less satisfied," says Christiane Northrup, MD, the author of Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom.

A sex-drive stopper: A recent study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine confirms that the Pill, a 20-something birth control favourite, actually causes a decrease in sex hormones, especially testosterone.

In your 30s

The advantages

Prime time: "A woman in her 30s may well find herself at an emotional sexual peak. She's clear about what she wants, what gives her pleasure and what does not," says Varkha Chulani, Mumbai-based clinical psychologist and psychotherapist. This, despite the fact that her oestrogen, progesterone, and testosterone begin to fluctuate and drop during this decade. More good news: Studies have shown that as women age, they become less anxious about their physical 'flaws', which helps when one is baring all in the bedroom. The key is to think of yourself as a sexy, attractive woman, regardless of hormone tempo."

The challenges

Mommy madness: After childbirth, testosterone dips, and in nursing moms, the hormone prolactin can suppress ovulation, and the production of oestrogen and progesterone. Result? Sex is a big fat snore. Try masturbation. Regardless of age, just using your equipment will turn on your equipment, which will in turn improve circulation and help balance your hormones.

In your 40s

The advantages

Call of the cougar: As a new study conducted at the University of Texas at Austin posits, female sex drive may actually increase as a woman's sex hormones and fertility decrease. "Women with declining fertility think more about sex, have more frequent and intense sexual fantasies, are more willing to engage in sexual intercourse, and report actually engaging in sexual intercourse more frequently than women of other age groups," say the study authors. It seemed surprising to many when the findings were announced, but the researchers have an explanation. They theorise that our female ancestors were so accustomed to losing children to disease, war, or starvation that they evolved to crave more sex-at a relatively advanced age-to produce more babies.

The challenges

The perils of perimenopause: "By 40," says Glenn D Braunstein, MD, an department of medicine at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles, "a woman's testosterone levels will be about half the level they were at 25." And yes, that drop certainly affects libido. For the average woman who enters peri-menopause (defined as the four or so years leading up to her final period) in her late 40s, fluctuating oestrogen, progesterone and testosterone levels may put a dampener on bedroom bliss. Irregular periods and even her first hot flushes may appear. To smooth things out, Dr Sujata Datta, consultant obstetrician and gynaecologist, Fortis Hospitals, Kolkata, prescribes local oestrogen creams and applicants. (Oestrogens that are applied locally to the vagina are widely believed to be safer than oral oestrogens, which carry some cancer risks.) "These are especially helpful in tackling vaginal dryness and discomfort by improving lubrication- and therefore, pleasure," she adds.

Another bummer: Fear of an unwanted, late-age pregnancy. Because, underlying health conditions such as hypertension may demand a switch from contraceptive pills, IUD may be a safer option at this age, adds Datta.

In your 50s

The advantages

With maturity, expertise: As author Gail Sheehy wrote in her classic book on ageing, Sex and the Seasoned Woman: "The middle years, between 50 and 65, constitute the apex of adult life… For women, the passage to be made is from pleasing to mastery." Indeed, the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, US, found that 71% of 50-somethings surveyed-more than any other age group-said their last sexual experience resulted in an orgasm. Think the statistics is alien? Hear out Dr Puneet Dwivedi, consutant psychiatrist, Max Healthcare, New Delhi. "As long as a woman is physically healthy and active, there's no stopping an orgasm. That menopause marks the death of sex life is an orthodox social myth," he explains. So good sex is about overcoming this mental block. "In fact, monogamy involving love and care may actually lead to a better sexual bonding as you and your partner reap the benefits of years of togetherness," adds Chulani.

The challenges

Manipulating menopause: Because of dramatically reduced testosterone and virtually non-existent oestrogen, sex drive drops. But there are options if you want to rev things up: Many women try menopausal hormone therapy, MHT (formerly called hormone replacement therapy, or HRT), which involves taking oestrogen and progestin (or oestrogen alone) to relieve vaginal dryness and hot flushes and reduce bone loss. MHT is controversial, not only because studies show it can increase women's risk of strokes, heart attacks, and breast cancer, but also because some forms can sap testosterone, causing libido to wane even more.

Pesky pounds: The more body fat you have, the less libido-boosting 'free-floating' testosterone you have. If you're obese, losing 10% of your total weight can do wonders for your sex drive, found researchers at Duke University Medical Center. Multiple studies have also shown that after just 20 minutes of exercise, blood flow to the genitals increases, resulting in more lubrication, better arousal and better orgasms.

- With inputs from Kathakoli Dasgupta

Gene that drives aggressive stress response in men found

Ever wondered why men react more aggressively than women under stress? It's because all their response boil down to a single "macho" gene, scientists say.

Australian researchers who discovered the YSR gene said it could explain why men have a "fight or flight" response while women are more likely to try and defuse the situation.

The gene, found only on the Y chromosome, was previously thought to be involved only in the development of male characteristics in the womb.

But new study, led by Prof Joohyung Lee of Prince Henry's Institute in Melbourne and Prof Vincent Harley of Monash University, showed that its proteins are present in the brain and other organs of adult males, LiveScience reported.

The researchers found that the gene also helps in the release of the neurotransmitter dopamine, which is crucial to movement. It's also found in the adrenal glands, which secrete norepinephrine and epinephrine.

All three chemicals are important in regulating how our bodies respond to stress, they added.

This male-only SRY gene may "prime" the male body for a more aggressive stress response, Lee and Harley reported in the journal BioEssays.

Their idea is still speculative. To find out if it's true, researchers will need to determine how SRY acts in the brain and in other tissues.

They will need to find out what happens when the SRY gene is blocked from being expressed and also look into other sex-linked genes to understand how they work in tandem with gonadal (sex) hormones to create sex differences in the brain.

If their hypothesis is right, the researchers wrote, "SRY could have medical implications."

Disorders such as Parkinson's disease, autism, attention deficit/hyperactive disorder and schizophrenia are all more common in men than in women, and they all involve alterations in the body chemicals, such as dopamine, that the SRY gene influences, the researchers said.

"Better understanding the degree and nature of interactions between the sex-specific genes, gonadal hormones and epigenetic pathways will undoubtedly shed light on what predisposes men or women to certain behavioural phenotypes and neuro-psychiatric disorders," they wrote.

Easy divorce a threat to family ties

The proposal to introduce 'irretrievable breakdown of marriage' as a ground for divorce is aimed at giving a spouse the right to walk out of a wrecked marriage.

But allowing one of the parties to take a decision to end a relationship which is basically contractual, might lead to victimisation of the other party. It is indeed traumatic for a spouse to be forced to continue in a practically non- existent marriage but dissolving such a relationship without the consent of the other spouse, who might not be at fault, could amount to injustice.

The incorporation of this additional ground for divorce in the Hindu Marriage Act and the Special Marriage Act would, for the first time, allow a spouse to unilaterally seek dissolution of an unhappy marriage on the ground that it cannot be salvaged. At present, this is allowed only on faults of adultery, cruelty and desertion by the other party. There is no doubt that divorce based primarily on fault cannot deal with incompatible marriages but such situations are by and large taken care of by the provision permitting divorce with mutual consent.

The proposal might harm the institution of marriage and lead to victimisation of women. It empowers a court to allow an application for dissolution of a broken marriage if the parties had been living apart for three or more years.


However, there is a proposal for giving wives the exclusive right to oppose such petitions filed by husbands. Though this might benefit a certain class of women, it would hardly mean anything to a majority of women in the country.

There have been instances of women being turned out of matrimonial homes for a variety of reasons, especially for not bringing adequate dowry. Such cases seldom get reported, in the hope in the hope of reconciliation. Husbands, in such cases, would have an advantage with wives having nothing on record to repel the argument of irretrievable breakdown of marriage by him.

Thus, the benefits of the proposed amendments, in the absence of more safeguards, are outweighed by the dangers they pose. More so, when the existing provisions have already been able to substantially deal with the problem. A spouse can seek divorce on the ground of desertion if the other has abandoned him or her for over two years.

Mutual consent is the answer to the argument that a non- existent relationship should not be kept alive on paper. If a marriage breaks down, the parties to the marriage should jointly take a decision.

Leaving the decision to one of them would make all other provisions of divorce virtually meaningless.

A party would claim that the marriage has broken down rather than try to prove fault of the other party. The courts have already expanded the meaning of cruelty to include almost everything- denying sex, abusing, not staying with the husband and even refusing to cook food for the husband.

A case of irretrievable breakdown would squarely fall within the meaning of desertion and cruelty but a party at fault cannot seek divorce on these grounds. With irretrievable breakdown being added when desertion was already a ground for divorce, the former would have to be interpreted in a liberal manner.

In what could shed light on the problems in store, the Supreme Court in 2006 dissolved a marriage on the ground of irretrievable breakdown using its extraordinary powers of going beyond law under Article 142. Ironically, the husband, who knew the girl closely before deciding to marry, claimed that their marriage had broken down due to the basic difference in their social status and inability of the wife to adjust to a middle class life. Doesn't this make all inter- class marriages vulnerable? ' No fault divorce' would only increase the divorce rate in the country. This would have been fine if starting a new life was easy.

This is not so in a country where most marriages are arranged, Backing family ties, Justice Krishna Iyer, in a judgment in 1978, stressed that the erotic doctrine of 'sip every flower and change every hour' and the philosophy of philandering self- fulfilment had to be combated on a militant basis.

How long will your love last

Are you in a relationship and want to know how long it will last? Just check the level of oxytocin or the 'love hormone' in your blood, scientists say.

Researchers from Bar-Ilan University in Israel found that couples who have higher levels of oxytocin in their blood stay together longer than those with lesser level of the hormone.

For their study, the team measured levels of oxytocin in people who had recently begun relationships. Six months later, the couples with the higher levels of oxytocin tended to still be together, while the others had split.

The finding suggests oxytocin, a hormone also involved in mother/infant bonding, plays an important role in the initial stages of our romantic attachments, the researchers said.

"These findings suggest that oxytocin in the first months of romantic love may serve as an index of relationship duration," they wrote in the journal Psychoneuroendocrinology.

The study also shows that at a biological level, the process of becoming attached to a new partner may be similar to the process of bonding with a new child, they added.

A previous study had found that a nasal spray of oxytocin could improve interactions between couples. The new findings show that such oxytocin-based treatments "may improve specific relational components among couples in distress", they said.

For their study, the researchers interviewed 60 couples in their 20s who had begun a relationship within the previous three months.

Members of the couple were first interviewed separately about their thoughts, worries and hopes for the new relationship, and then together to discuss a positive experience they had shared.

Blood samples were taken from the participants, as well as from 43 volunteers who were single.

It was found that those in new relationships had oxytocin levels that averaged nearly double those of singles. And for couples who stayed together, oxytocin levels remained stable over a six-month period.

In both singles and couples, levels of oxytocin did not depend on an individual's gender, body weight, height, smoking status, use of contraceptive pills or sexual activity.

Couples with higher levels of oxytocin exhibited more affection during interviews, such as touching and eye-gazing.

Such intimate behaviours may increase oxytocin levels and, in turn, increase a couple's emotional involvement in the relationship, the researchers said.

Elevated levels of oxytocin also have been seen in new parents, although the levels were not as high as those seen in couples in this study, suggesting the initial period of romantic love may induce the most intense oxytocin activity, the researchers said.

The researchers noted that as the people in relationships were not tested before they paired up, it wasn't clear which was the cause and which was the effect: whether the new relationship increased their oxytocin, or people with naturally high oxytocin levels are more likely to couple up.

In addition, it wasn't clear whether oxytocin levels in the blood reflect those in the brain, but studies suggest the two are coordinated.

I am happy with my life: Jennifer Aniston

Former Friends star Jennifer Aniston insists she is loving life and is enjoying her forties.

"Whatever angst-y times I have had was after my fame, which we know was after 22. When I was 22, I was having a ball. Being this side of 40 feels like what I should have felt being this side of 25 in my body, in my heart, happy with my life, and OK with whatever bumps in the road present themselves," Aniston said.

The 43-year-old actress also dismissed reports that she is planning to marry boyfriend Justin Theroux soon, reported Showbizspy.

"I am not getting married yet... It's too early to talk about that," she said.

How to get closer to your partner

Are you worried that increased use of the Internet, text, email and all things digital is adversely affecting your relationships by reducing physical contact?

Well now you can relax.

In a report commissioned by cosmetic giant Nivea, US Professor Geoff Beattie found evidence to suggest that the anonymity of the Internet encourages people to share their deepest feelings - helping to form meaningful new relationships and reinforce existing ones.

Sex, spies and secrets

The Indian Army officer who fell into a honey trap in Dhaka did the only thing that you should do under the circumstances: He told a superior officer what had happened. He may suffer embarrassment and a pothole in his career, but he can sleep in peace knowing that he did not betray his country and do jail time for doing so.

Honey traps, the intelligence parlance for seducing and then blackmailing a target into working for you, are probably as old as sex. It was sex that persuaded the Israelite Samson to reveal to Palestinian Delilah that his long hair was the secret of his supernatural strength.

Sex and seduction have been used in espionage ever since. Few will deny that the overpowering allure of sex can make you lose your mind, and this is what a crafty intelligence handler will employ. It also happens to be easier to set up. Indians, being relatively more inhibited about sex than many other people make good targets and there have been numerous instances of Indian officials falling for the honey trap. There is the story of how a young diplomat fell for a ballerina in Russia in the 1950s. But when the KGB approached him to work for them, he laughed at their face. He then took a flight to New Delhi and confessed all to Prime Minister Jawaharlal Nehru who let him off with a caution. The man later rose to the highest offices in the land.

Other stories did not work out so well. K. V. Unnikrishnan of Research & Analysis Wing fell for a Pan Am airhostess who turned out to be a US intelligence agent. In the 1990s, there was the story of our Naval attache in Islamabad who was honey trapped by a nurse in Karachi and pressed to work for the ISI. He came back to India and tried to convince the authorities here that he had recruited the nurse to work for India. But on interrogation, he broke down and confessed.

Since there was no evidence that he actually passed information to the ISI, he was dismissed from service and not jailed. There have been other serious instances of honey trapped individuals who were spared punishment because there was simply not enough evidence for conviction. The most notorious one is that of an IB officer who would have become the chief of the organisation had he not been detected- by the IB itself- in an undisclosed relationship with an American agent.

The best known recent example was the systematic manner in which the East German secret service under Markus Wolff used young men to seduce middle- aged West German secretaries working for senior officials. In this way they harvested a huge amount of intelligence.

Wolf was to write in his autobiography, "When it began, I had no idea of the harvest it would bring." Such was their power that one secretary refused to believe that she had been honey-trapped, declaring " He did really love me." No doubt the Americans, too, used honey traps to get at East Bloc secrets, but we know more about the latter's use of the technique because they lost the Cold War and their secrets are there for all to see.

The most worrisome aspect of honey traps for India is its extensive use by the Chinese intelligence. There have been several instances of Indian officials - of R& AW and the Indian Foreign Service - who have been trapped in China.

In 2009, the British counterintelligence service, MI5 distributed a 14- page booklet to various British banks and businesses entitled "The Threat from Chinese Espionage" which spoke of an extensive Chinese effort to trap people through long- term sexual relationships.

Some time back, an aide of the then prime minister of UK, Gordon Brown who was picked up by a Chinese woman at a disco and the next morning found that his official Blackberry was missing.

But the case that has made waves in UK in recent times is that of the 26 year old Russian girl Katia Zatuliveter who had an affair with a 65- year old Liberal Democratic MP Mike Hancock who happens to be in the Defence Committee of the British Parliament and worked in his office as a researcher. The British counter- intelligence service MI5 wanted to deport her from UK, but she filed a case with the Special Immigration Appeals Commission which upheld her case last month.

President of SIAC Mr Justice Mitting said, "Nothing in the material which we have analysed suggests, let alone demonstrates, that the appellant exploited her relationships for the purposes of the Russian state." The panel actually said that her relationship with the MP had been "enduring and genuine". This is the problem with honey traps in the modern world. Sexual relationships are relatively free, and the issue really is not so much about being trapped, which can happen to the most discreet person, but whether or not you then do the bidding of the foreign power.

It is obvious that if you are a diplomat, intelligence officer or a military officer you are a prime target in a foreign country. You must employ your commonsense when entering into relationships.

It is not all that difficult.

Why to boost her confidence

If you are one of those who always wondered why many women struggle while parking their cars, it's better to understand that it happens simply due to lack of confidence, says a study.

A research has suggested ....lack of confidence is a factor in women's tendency to struggle in tasks requiring spatial awareness, the Daily Mail reported, adding that tests showed how women improved in these activities when their self-belief was given a boost.

University of Warwick psychology researcher Zachary Estes, working with Sydney Felker from the University of Georgia Health Centre, looked at the ability of 545 US students to perform a standard 3D mental rotation task, while at the same time manipulating their confidence levels.

Estes, whose research paper is published in the journal Archives Of Sexual Behaviour, said: "Prior research shows that women tend to do poorly on tasks that require spatial awareness."
boost her confidence

"...We wanted to see why that was so. We manipulated people's confidence in our experiments with spatial tasks, and it does seem that confidence is a key factor in how well women perform at this kind of task."

"Our research suggests that by making a woman feel better about herself, she'll become better at spatial tasks - which in the real world means tasks such as parking the car or reading a map."

"So a little bit of confidence-boosting may go a long way when it comes to reversing the car into a tight parking spot," said Estes.