When fantasy takes over

Her entry into the Big Boss house may have made a celeb of porn star Sunny Leone and India may be ranked fourth on the list of nations looking for "porn" on Google, but this doesn't change a certain reality: Most Indian women still resent their husbands or boyfriends watching porn. They hate knowing that the men they love spend hours browsing porn sites for visual titillation. "Women would like to believe that their dearly beloveds have eyes only for them," says Delhi- based therapist Reena Nath. "The idea that your man is getting a high watching a big breasted blonde woman in odd postures instead of you is disturbing." Contrary to the idea that porn is becoming more acceptable, evidence that it contributes to relationship breakups and divorce is mounting ."

Men expect their wives to behave like porn stars and start imposing their sexual fantasies on them. In such cases becomes a major relationship issue and form of abuse," points out lawyer Gurmeet Narula. Porn addiction often comes up in the list of grouses women have against their partners.

"It definitely sets the spouses on a trail of suspicion, and insecurity and gives them an inferiority complex," says Osama Suhail, associate partner, Divorce Lawyers.

Easily accessible
The easy accessibility of porn explains why so many Indians are hooked. Gone are the days when the hunt for blue films ended in Palika Bazaar or Chandni Chowk. Now, porn is just a click away and there's no dearth of free and paid sites to indulge any kind of fantasy. It's simple enough for anyone who wants to drift into a blue world to sit in an air conditioned bedroom with a Lenovo: Websites such as youporn. com, debonairblog. com, badjojo. com, worldsex. com, tubestack. com and xhamster. com will transport you there in a jiffy.

And everyone is taking advantage of this situation, despite the fact that pornography is officially banned in India: Section 292 of the Indian Penal Code clearly states that sale and purchase explicit stuff is a punishable offence. In fact, chapter XI of the Information Technology Act also says that online pornography is illegal. But thanks to the loopholes in cyber laws, there's no blanket ban on online pornography. Watching or perusing online pornography privately at home doesn't make it an offence, rather you shall be booked only if you view it publicly in cyber cafes workplaces. That's where the catch is. And that's why men are increasingly taking porn to their bedrooms at the risk of being caught by their partners, leading to wounded hearts and soured relationships.

Fantasy vs reality
As a viewer you need to keep in mind that there's a lot of discrepancy between the visual titillation that's portrayed in porn movies and a real sexual experience with a partner. Otherwise you will be on a dangerous trajectory of unrealistic expectations from your partner and will only paralyse your sexual performance and satisfaction," cautions Dr Prakash Kothari, founder advisor, World Association for Sexual Health.

Comparisons are inevitable and cause plenty of relationship distress. " The hour glass flawless figures of porn stars shaped by numerous silicone implants and liposuctions are a big contrast to the body of Indian women," says documentary film maker, Anu Radha.

It's never easy for a woman who knows that her husband watches porn to put this at the back of her mind. " I know my husband watches sexually explicit stuff on the Internet occasionally. Although he doesn't hide things from me and I don't ask him to stop, I am conscious of my appearance and doubt whether I am able to completely satisfy him," says 31 year old Mansi Arora.

Porn acts as a spanner in relationships for other reasons too.It depicts sex as a hard- core activity, devoid of emotions.

The fact that men enjoy porn hurts women and forces them to confront that men can and do divorce sex from emotion.

Shock is the inevitable reaction for women who stumble upon their husband's or partner's habit inadvertently. "You may choose to call me old fashioned, but I would feel betrayed and cheated upon if I discovered that my partner was a porn addict," says 43 year old Jhilmil Breckenridge, one of many women who express outrage.

Women join men
The us, one out of every three online porn viewers is a woman. As for India, women are gradually joining the league of porn watchers, although their number is far less than men.

According to the latest India Today- Neilson Company Annual Sex Survey, 34 per cent women make up for regular watchers of porn as against 66 per cent men. The revelations come from the study involving 5,365 respondents across 11 cities.

In fact, experts say that occasional porn viewing by either sex isn't bad for a relationship. In a healthy relationship, a woman should be able to accept that her partner watches porn occasionally and vice versa. Sexologists even suggest that watching porn together as a couple could be healthy.

"But it can kill romance and a relationship if one partner is addicted to it," says Dr Kothari.

He also says that the reality is that among Indian couples, it's usually the man's idea to get a woman to watch with him. "In most cases, men do so thinking it will help their partner explore her sexuality and shed her inhibitions," says Anu Radha. "The reality is that the hard core explicit stuff of porn is off- putting for most women," she adds.